| Dominic Tux |
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Wednesday, August 29 2007 @ 10:42 PM PDT
Contributed by: tenaciousp |
 In playoff year XLI, two Rhodes diverged in the wood.
This was not any normal wood, mind you. Rather, it was an amalgam of the best rush defenses (Baltimore: #2; New England: #5; Chicago: #6) and premier players in the 2007 league. Against violent opposition, Dominic Rhodes carried the pigskin 62 times over a four-game playoff span. During the all-important second season—under Dome lights, Chesapeake skies, and super rain—Rhodes proved the leading rusher in three of four playoff wins. He ran around the Wood of Security (Ty Law, Kansas City; Charles Tillman, Chicago); he ran through the Wood of Woe (Ray Lewis, Baltimore; Brian Urlacher, Chicago); and he ran past the Wood of Maginot (Vince Wilfork, New England; Ian Scott, Chicago).
Rhodes rushed for 306 total playoff yards. While it is true that much of this yardage was due to second-effort, it is more germane to name it second-half effort. For Dominic Rhodes gained 53 of his 66 rushing yards against Baltimore in the second half, 67 of 69 yards against New England, and 87 of 113 yards versus Chicago.
And when the final second half was over (and the MVP award had gone to Peyton Manning), Dominic Rhodes didn’t even get a Super Bowl party (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs06/news/story?id=2755840). So he went out and had his own party, drove his SUV 88 miles per hour in a 55-zone, and was cited for drunk driving.
If this was his first transgression, the charge would have had less impact than damaged ceramic tiles on the safely-returned Endeavor space shuttle. In the NFL, it is four strikes before you are out. However, there were three other charges against Dominic Rhodes already on the score sheet.
1) (March 18, 2002) Domestic battery charge on Rhodes concerning his live-in girlfriend;
2) (Date Unknown): Rhodes was arrested for infraction while an out-patient in a rehabilitation clinic;
3) (2006) Rhodes was cited by the NFL for failing to send a Hallmark Mother’s Day card to his beloved mother. Rhodes did send a generic, home-made card to the great woman, but this violated the contract the NFL had signed with Hallmark. The NFL is very strict with its sponsorship rules. It is a verifiable fact that Rhodes was drunk when he wrote the Mother’s Day card. We know this because the current Domestic Wiretapping Program used against international terrorists is working to keep us safe.
There is one more charge against Dominic Rhodes that Raider fans need take note of: (August 23, 2002) Rhodes underwent reconstructive surgery to repair torn ligaments in his right knee. Ahhh, preseason: the destroyer of worlds.
Of the four charges against Rhodes, only the first charge is important. Abuse against women is not going to be tolerated by Raider fans. Rhodes can *censored*-slap Coach Kiffin all he wants, but women are not to be touched. Except when they want to be. Ahhh, women: the maker of worlds.
Regarding the other three charges, these were all alcohol-related, and Raider fans have had a long history with players and drinking.
--Marv Hubbard used to drink at Clancy’s after a game, walk next door to the dry cleaners, and punch out their front window. Then he would walk back into Clancy’s and lay $50 on the bar to cover replacement costs (Hey, Wait a Minute, I Wrote a Book by John Madden, 1973, pgs. 162-63).
--Clifford Branch missed two practices during the week and the team flight on Sunday for the game against New Orleans the following evening in December, 1979. Coming off the bench, Branch proceeded to catch seven passes for 126 yards and two touchdowns (including the game-winner) in a 42-35 win, one of the great comeback triumphs in Raider history.
--the best drinking story, however, involved John Matuszak. As Jim Otto wrote in his unpublished memoir, Insane Desire:
Tooz always had the knack of attracting Al Davis’ attention. I remember the time Al told me that one day after a hard afternoon practice in Santa Rosa, he spotted John Matuszak and our middle linebacker Phil Villapiano, leaving the field in full uniform, helmets in hand, heading to the bar across the street.
This unusual behavior caught Al’s attention. He followed them and before they entered the Bamboo Room, he yelled out, “Where do you guys think you’re going?” “We’re going to the Bamboo Room,” answered Matuszak. “Every guy in America has a chance to grab a few beers after work in his work clothes. Phil and I just want to find out how it feels.”
Al wasn’t amused. He told them that the uniforms represented Pride and Poise, and that if they represented the Raiders, they’d have to show some class. Al promptly escorted these two “working men” back to camp.
A few days later, after practice, Al spotted Tooz and Villapiano dressed up in tuxedos. Impressed, Al asked them if they were going to a special affair. Tooz looked down at Davis and answered, “Hell no! We’re going to the Bamboo Room. But we want to show a little class, just like you said.” Al just shook his head.
The Raider running game this past season left all Raider fans shaking their heads. Dominic Rhodes’ donning of a Silver-and-Black uniform brings up a number of issues, both past and present. His 113 yards rushing in Super Bowl XLI could have earned him MVP honors—but it didn’t. This alone sets him apart from Larry Brown (SB XXX MVP) and Desmond Howard (SB XXXI MVP), two players who joined the Raiders in fanfare and left in ignominy. Perhaps Rhodes will set a new pattern for the Raider future: From this day forward, only those players that could have been Super Bowl MVPs will be acquired. Raider fans are well-acquainted with “Coulda Been” award winners:
Super Bowl XI: the two Dave’s: Casper and Dalby;
Super Bowl XV: Clifford Branch and Rod Martin;
Super Bowl XVIII: the Slaughterhouse Seven. Can you name the seven players, Raider fans? For extra bonus points, name the remaining four players who rounded out this august Silver and Black defensive unit.
Rhodes’ most important contribution to Raider fortunes will be neither in touchdowns scored, reception yardage, nor carries per game. Rather, it will be in an area Rhodes showcased in Super Bowl XLI. In that game. Rhodes picked up five first downs for the Indianapolis Colts. In the 2006 season, the Oakland Raiders were #30 in the NFL as they picked up 73 first downs through rushing (Cleveland had 72 and Detroit 53). That averaged fewer than five first downs rushing per game. Let us conservatively say that a first down adds two minutes of possession to the offensive unit’s time on the field. The 2006 Raiders offense was on the field an average of 28:14 per game. Using critical-thinking Raider math skills, we quickly deduce that this figure is less than half of a complete game. Benefiting from an extra two to three first downs per game from Rhodes will help Oakland right the time-of-possession imbalance and give the defense a much-needed rest. Anyone who watched the 1981 AFC Championship game against the San Diego Chargers—in which the Raiders kept the football the last six minutes of the game (mainly by running) enroute to a 34-27 victory—knows the treasure inherent in the rush. By this criterion, the proof of Dominic Rhodes’ value is not in the pudding. The proof is in the first down.
The late-season starting block for Rhodes will come as nothing new to Al Davis. In 1987, Mr. Davis used his round 7 choice to draft an unknown scallywag from University of Auburn who couldn’t make up his mind which sport he liked best. His name was Bo Jackson. Running alongside Hall of Fame Marcus Allen, this feared tandem rushed for 1,380 yards and 17 touchdowns in 1990. Were it not for the career-ending hip injury suffered in the 20-10 playoff victory over Cincinnati, it is difficult to believe these two players would not have erased every dynamic-duo running back record for the Raiders. Bo, we hardly knew ye. The sight of Jackson limping as he walked from the playing field on January 13, 1991 will not soon leave this disheveled Raider fan’s mind.
What must leave Raider fans’ minds is the woefully inadequate offensive showing put forth by the Raiders last season. Watching the 2006 Raider offense was about as fun as walking up a stair master—and equally as futile. With renewed hopes of seasons reborn, offense reframed, and first downs regained, Dominic Rhodes has become a Raider. This fan’s advice to Rhodes is simple:
Don’t drink today. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Remember that it is not the problem, but our reaction to the problem which governs well-being.
And, should Rhodes choose to go out at night, please:
Wear a tux.
Craig Parker
Author, Football’s Blackest Hole
Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia
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