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Raider Yellow Brick Road

   
The Tenacious PRaider Yellow Brick Road

So goodbye yellow brick road
May the dogs of society howl
. – Elton John, 1973

How do Raider fans react to Oakland’s 13-9 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles?

We are happy. And when we’re happy, we sing. And when we witness a Raider win, we howl with delight. After these common attributes, the issues of loyalty become more complex.

For simplicity, I will divide Raider fans into two categories: 1) 1960 – 1983; and 1984 – 2009. Incredibly, this latter category—based both in erstwhile Los Angeles and Oakland--has never witnessed a Raider Super Bowl win. The former group of convicts and methamphetamine devotees (not really, ESPN) has watched three Super Bowl wins—and they were all blowouts. Silver and Black peaking at just the right times, manhandling whoever stood in their way, and taking what was rightfully theirs. The 2002 Raiders would have won their fourth Super Bowl had Jon Gruden not played against himself and Al Davis’s organization completely fumbled the Barret Robbins situation. After that debacle, it’s been all downhill.

Now we have this team. Our current team tagged onto a six-year litany of loss and disaster. And how do Raider fans react?

We still believe. We still hope—although I did not believe that Oakland could defeat Philadelphia. A man’s gotta know his limitations, and I am quickly approaching mine after 102 games of frustration and humiliation. Yet I am predicting an Oakland win over the New York Jets. It’s the Raider way.

Do I really think the Silver and Black can overcome the J-E-T-S (has to be one of the worst yells in the universe)? Not with this Raider offense. Al Davis has simply put together an extremely poor offensive line. The once-proud glory of Silver-and-Black blocking has degenerated into something laughable and unrecognizable. Never mind Jim Otto, Gene Upshaw, Henry Lawrence, Art Shell, John Vella, Dave Dalby, Mickey Marvin, Steve Sylvester, Don Mosebar, Steve Wisniewski, and Barret Robbins. These guys were giants who carried their lunch pails every day as they ran up to the line, snorting and spitting. I would be slap-happy with a Frank Middleton and Mo Collins.

Which reminds me: it was a New York Jet (John Evans) who said about Middleton and Collins before the 2003 Jets-Raiders playoff game:

Dirty hits to the knees, the s--- they were doing was uncalled for.... They aren’t too athletic. They aren’t athletic at all, so they have to do something like that, those cheap shots, just to try to get under your skin.

Let’s remember that on Sunday, shall we?

The only thing I remember about this year’s offensive unit is players serenely trotting off the field after yet another three-and-out series. If you want entertainment, watch Tropic Thunder. If you want to relax, rent The Story of the Weeping Camel. But if you desire to experience complete boredom, sit through multiple three-and-out series by Oakland’s offense. Do the simple math: it only takes two minutes for a three-and-out series. No defense can sustain their determined effort with two minutes rest. So what do they do? They give up. Which is exactly what they did against the New York Giants.

Now we play another New York team, and we have them right where we want them: at home, coming off a home win, Jets’ players filled with their media-induced hype, dogs of greenback society playing the ghetto Silver-and-Black warriors, and a rookie quarterback squarely in Richard Seymour’s sights.

They have game film on this Sanchez character now, so they know his tendencies. That is why New York is riding its current losing streak. I am well-aware of the subpar quarterbacks Oakland’s defense has made look like Hall of Famers over the years, but I have to believe the Silver and Black walk out of this game Sunday with at least two interceptions. If not, I am going to be idly flipping through my wife’s Victoria Secret catalogue come the third quarter (select bras and panties edition). How humiliating is that?

And how does one describe their feelings about Whatmeworry?--JaMarcus Russell)? Waiting for this guy to show us something is like waiting for Al Davis to sprint the 100-meter dash. Go easy on the rich #2 goofball: Oakland has never successfully brought a quarterback along this quickly. Yes, Ken Stabler threatened to quit and become a monk before John Madden elevated him to the starting position in 1972. All comparisons between Stabler and Russell should stop right there.

Russell simply needs more time consistently to throw the football. I remember a story about Jim Plunkett. He was playing for the porous New England Patriots and, after a game, a large lineman sat in the seat in front of Plunkett. The chair broke with a large CLAP. And Plunkett? He instinctively ducked down in the seat like an artillery sergeant in Vietnam.

That is what is going to happen to Whatmeworry? if the offensive line does not start doing their job and giving Russell more time. It is simply criminal what the O-line is doing to the legacy of Oakland’s AFL offensive prowess. And I know about criminal elements. Oh yeah, baby: I remember George Atkinson.

I predict a Raider victory against the New York Jets. I do so based solely on hope and loyalty. I have made my bed and I am a Raider for life. So maybe I will see you on the path not even acknowledged.

Along the Yellow Brick Road.

The Raider Yellow Brick Road.

Craig Parker
Author, Football’s Blackest Hole
Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia
 

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